roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
