We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
