remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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