my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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