kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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