I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
