I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize