Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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