im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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