I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
