I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
