I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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