you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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