I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
