Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
