Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize