You work out of a Hotel?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
