I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
