Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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