i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
