I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
