I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've blown a few things in my day
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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