peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize