i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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