how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
