I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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