My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize