WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize