i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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