the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
