Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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