you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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