do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
