please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
