Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
