I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
