if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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