wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she woke up with a sticky ear
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
