i think my tv is drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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