im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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