so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
