Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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