I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
