My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
