i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
