I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize