my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
