I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
