dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
