the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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