She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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