mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
