i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
