my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
God, I missed his penis.
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