Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
