why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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