one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
