Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
