yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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