Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
