I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
