now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
