What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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