Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
