I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
